Sure, it looked like a scene out of Weekend at Bernie’s. At first glance, anyway.
Strange purplish sunglasses concealing dead, hooded eyes. Pantsuit as vibrant as a sack of spoiled potatoes tipped against a bollard. Helmet of hair toggling as aides hoist and jostle her feet-first — one shoe on, one shoe off into the security van with tinted windows.
Before you shed a tear for Hillary Clinton — ensnared yet again in a web spun by the Vast Alt-Right Wing Conspiracy — remember this: There is no “femme” without “fatale.” There is no martyr without sacrifice. There is no shattered glass ceiling without broken shards of glass.
Never in modern American political history has a more issue-oriented, serious candidate for president faced off against a more dishonest, platform-less, self-absorbed celebrity who is cashing in on ill-gotten wealth and fame despite serious concerns about mental and physical health.
Another exciting week in the 2016 Trump Presidential Spectacular and another week of political obituaries predicting Donald Trump’s imminent demise.
Serious question: How many political obituaries have these people written about Mr. Trump since he descended into the fetid American political swamp on a glass escalator last summer?
Donald Trump is “woefully unprepared,” President Obama said Tuesday. “Unfit to be president.”
Well, at least this is one area where the president is a bona fide, qualified expert.
Turns out Donald J. Trump is right. The system really is rigged! At least the Democratic Party’s system is.
CLEVELAND — Say whatever you want about real estate developer Donald J. Trump, he is the candidate of “love.”
Behold! A new American political dynasty is born!
Goodnight, Camelot. Move over Bushes and Clintons.
Meet the entire Trump clan.
There can be no dispute that Barack Obama was forced to wade through unprecedented bigotry in his speedy ascent to the most powerful perch in the world. His predecessor, George W. Bush, called it the “soft bigotry of low expectations.”
So it turns out that while you can indict a ham sandwich, indicting our top diplomat for “extremely careless” handling of national secrets at a time of war against the most determined and diabolical enemy we have ever faced — well, that is just a waste of time. Inconvenient. Awkward.
America, you cannot say you were not warned.
Truly, there is no reserve of cynicism vast enough for decent, freedom-loving Americans to fully comprehend the diabolical motivations of President Obama and the henchmen he has running his administration.
Weeks before killing 49 infidels in Orlando, Omar Mateen walked into a Florida gun store trying to buy body armor and a thousand rounds of ammunition. Suspicious about a Middle Eastern-looking guy jabbering a foreign language into a cellphone, the gun-store clerk denied the man service.
Well, thank goodness we have President Obama on the case. He will get to the bottom of it and finally put a stop to all this murder, madness and mayhem.
NEW YORK — Hillary wore white.
Stepping into the klieg lights, she was — finally! — the blushing bride of the Democratic Party. Smiling, waving, tilting her head, clutching her fist to her chest as she surveyed her adorable fans. She stepped to the lectern and gazed lovingly into the teleprompter.
Politically speaking, nobody ever went broke beating up the media.
Add this truism to the long, long list of techniques and tactics that Donald Trump instinctively understands at a deep guttural level that nobody in media or politics seems to grasp. Even now, a year into Mr. Trump’s Presidential Spectacular.
Clutching her pearls, Hillary Clinton is stricken. Horrified! Disgusted that Donald Trump would dare to remind voters about all the depraved debauchery she and her lecherous husband inflicted on the innocent American citizen for all of those years.
A rare point of universal agreement in all this trenchant political acrimony: No matter what you think of Donald Trump, the political environment in which the flashy real estate mogul has so brilliantly thrived was created entirely by President Obama.
The economy is gasping, the world shudders in violence, invaders heave across our southern border, and despair is etched on the faces of the American people. So, in the final year of his reign, what does our great Prophet of Hope and Change give us?
Bathroom liberation. Pee free or die! Equality before the commode!
Note to professional politicians: Voters really don’t care what bathroom Bruce Jenner uses. That is between him, her and their psychiatrist.
