Sure, it looked like a scene out of Weekend at Bernie’s. At first glance, anyway.
Strange purplish sunglasses concealing dead, hooded eyes. Pantsuit as vibrant as a sack of spoiled potatoes tipped against a bollard. Helmet of hair toggling as aides hoist and jostle her feet-first — one shoe on, one shoe off into the security van with tinted windows.
Before you shed a tear for Hillary Clinton — ensnared yet again in a web spun by the Vast Alt-Right Wing Conspiracy — remember this: There is no “femme” without “fatale.” There is no martyr without sacrifice. There is no shattered glass ceiling without broken shards of glass.
Never in modern American political history has a more issue-oriented, serious candidate for president faced off against a more dishonest, platform-less, self-absorbed celebrity who is cashing in on ill-gotten wealth and fame despite serious concerns about mental and physical health.
There can be no dispute that Barack Obama was forced to wade through unprecedented bigotry in his speedy ascent to the most powerful perch in the world. His predecessor, George W. Bush, called it the “soft bigotry of low expectations.”
So it turns out that while you can indict a ham sandwich, indicting our top diplomat for “extremely careless” handling of national secrets at a time of war against the most determined and diabolical enemy we have ever faced — well, that is just a waste of time. Inconvenient. Awkward.
Truly, there is no reserve of cynicism vast enough for decent, freedom-loving Americans to fully comprehend the diabolical motivations of President Obama and the henchmen he has running his administration.
Weeks before killing 49 infidels in Orlando, Omar Mateen walked into a Florida gun store trying to buy body armor and a thousand rounds of ammunition. Suspicious about a Middle Eastern-looking guy jabbering a foreign language into a cellphone, the gun-store clerk denied the man service.
Stepping into the klieg lights, she was — finally! — the blushing bride of the Democratic Party. Smiling, waving, tilting her head, clutching her fist to her chest as she surveyed her adorable fans. She stepped to the lectern and gazed lovingly into the teleprompter.
Politically speaking, nobody ever went broke beating up the media.
Add this truism to the long, long list of techniques and tactics that Donald Trump instinctively understands at a deep guttural level that nobody in media or politics seems to grasp. Even now, a year into Mr. Trump’s Presidential Spectacular.
Clutching her pearls, Hillary Clinton is stricken. Horrified! Disgusted that Donald Trump would dare to remind voters about all the depraved debauchery she and her lecherous husband inflicted on the innocent American citizen for all of those years.
A rare point of universal agreement in all this trenchant political acrimony: No matter what you think of Donald Trump, the political environment in which the flashy real estate mogul has so brilliantly thrived was created entirely by President Obama.
The economy is gasping, the world shudders in violence, invaders heave across our southern border, and despair is etched on the faces of the American people. So, in the final year of his reign, what does our great Prophet of Hope and Change give us?
Bathroom liberation. Pee free or die! Equality before the commode!