Wednesday, May 25, 2016
From runways to red carpets to Instagram and Snapchat, celebrity overexposure is inescapable. We're drowning in underboob. Bombarded with sideboob. Nip slips. Crotch slips. Bare-bottom flashes. All of the above, all at once.
The problem, my fellow Americans, is not that we live in an age of wardrobe malfunctions. It's that we live in an age of dignity malfunctions.
It's one thing for the notorious Kim Kardashian, sex-tape celebrity-turned-sex-tape celebrity, to trounce into the Rome Opera House flashing her cartoon cleavage and industrial-strength Spanx for the cameras as she did last weekend.
The trouble is that the Kardashian deviancy is now the norm among female entertainers who consider themselves trailblazing feminists.
Top designers seem to be engaged in a bizarre competition to use the least amount of tenuously placed fabric to clothe (LOL) their A-list clients. Tragically, none of the sycophants who surround the young starlets -- not their fully-clothed agents, parents, BFFs, husbands or boyfriends -- has the guts to tell these double-sided duct-taped divas that they look utterly ridiculous.
Cowardice is the handmaiden of defining decency down.
Billboard Music Awards hostess Ciara scored headlines for challenging gravity in a sliver of silver silk that some called a "dress." (These get-ups should really be called un-dresses.) Fans cooed over the singer's "major sideboob" as she let her lady parts hang low, swinging to and fro.
Supermodel sisters Gigi and Bella Hadid each make a living un-wearing flimsy attire -- maintaining perfect duck lips and icy stares while the public gawks at their gratuitously revealed flesh and perfect bone structure. Apparently, you haven't made it in the fashion world until you've displayed more on the catwalk than on a gynecological exam table.
Nineteen-year-old pop star Lorde slouched up the steps at the Met Gala earlier this month in a ton of pink tulle from the waist down -- but with practically nothing on top to contain her braless upper self.
Fifty-seven-year-old Madonna was there, too, trussed up in an atrocious goth cloth featuring breast cutouts and a geriatric thong she called a "political statement."
Nineteen-year-old actress Chloe Grace Moretz proudly displayed her own "gapboob" (it's a thing now, really) in a gauzy black slip at a movie premiere last week.
The 20-something pop star Rita Ora is a serial boob flasher, often favoring the trendy blazer-with-nothing-underneath ensemble (dis-ensemble?) or the long-sleeved piece of black sheer nonsense that passes for a "top" these days.
Then there's the glamorous 30-something Amal Clooney, who prides herself on her Oxford degree and law pedigree. She took to the Cannes Film Festival last week in a billowy, meringue Atelier Versace number that kept flying open like a cheap bathrobe. Poor Lemony Half-Nekkit spent the whole time nervously tugging on uncooperative strips of chiffon as her skinny thighs and netherparts quivered in the wind.
Her bemused husband, sensibly and safely covered in a full tuxedo, did nothing to wrap up his flailing arm candy with his jacket. Chivalry is dead, lying in rigor mortis on the sidelines of a red carpet clogged with leering paparazzi trampling over the corpse to get the next money shot.
Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Clooney, for exhibiting how you can be both worldy sophisticates and complete and utter fools.
Lest you think this sartorial insanity can be contained in Hollywood, retailers are now marketing open-cup sideboob and underboob bralettes to ordinary women and teens at Nordstrom and ASOS.com.
Listen up, ladies, what's left of you: Extreme boobery is not a triumph of feminism. It's just plain old bad taste. When nothing is left to the imagination, imagination atrophies -- and along with it disappear mystery, sensuality, restraint, humanity and virtue.
Letting it all hang out is for apes. Want to be a better role model for young girls? Try on this retro outfit of the day:
COPYRIGHT 2016 CREATORS.COM
See Other Political Commentaries.
See Other Commentaries by Michelle Malkin.
Views expressed in this column are those of the author, not those of Rasmussen Reports. Comments about this content should be directed to the author or syndicate.
Rasmussen Reports is a media company specializing in the collection, publication and distribution of public opinion information.
We conduct public opinion polls on a variety of topics to inform our audience on events in the news and other topics of interest. To ensure editorial control and independence, we pay for the polls ourselves and generate revenue through the sale of subscriptions, sponsorships, and advertising. Nightly polling on politics, business and lifestyle topics provides the content to update the Rasmussen Reports web site many times each day. If it's in the news, it's in our polls. Additionally, the data drives a daily update newsletter and various media outlets across the country.
Some information, including the Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll and commentaries are available for free to the general public. Subscriptions are available for $4.95 a month or 34.95 a year that provide subscribers with exclusive access to more than 20 stories per week on upcoming elections, consumer confidence, and issues that affect us all. For those who are really into the numbers, Platinum Members can review demographic crosstabs and a full history of our data.
To learn more about our methodology, click here.